To my boy

To my very first baby.

My little man who is somehow going to be FOUR in less than a week's time.

I still remember that day you were born- every moment- like it was yesterday. The first time I heard you cry, held you in my arms- at that moment I was made a mother. I was entrusted with your tiny life, to be your safe place, to be the one who will always love you no matter what. 

I've watched you come such a long way, bribing you with food and cheering you on as you first learned to crawl, and finally to walk. I held you hand as you took those first unsteady steps, and caught you as you stumbled so as not to let you fall, just as I do now.

I love seeing the things that have changed in you in this past year. I love watching your eyes light up as your little brother tries to tackle you and then runs, beckoning you to follow- and you do. I could listen to your giggles and squeals of delight from your brother all day, it makes my heart smile to see how much you love each other, how much you love him, even if you can't show him the same way we do. It's so sweet how you would worry about him those first days of preschool when he was so upset, you didn't want to leave him there. And how he doesn't want to go to bed without stopping by your room to see you, or how he won't go down in the morning without making sure we know we have to get you too.

I love that for the first time this winter, you learned you loved to play in the snow (well, a little bit!)

And I love SO SO much the huge, cheesy, teethy grin you give me when I come in to your room in the morning to get you up, even if you are only half awake.

You teach me every day to be a better person. Who knew I had so much to learn, especially from such a new soul. You teach me patience like no one else could. You have always been on your own schedule from the very beginning, making your way into the world 6 days late, and you haven't changed. You are never in a rush even when I am. You are so silly, and I can't help most days in the midst of whatever I am trying to do (that you are trying to undo) to smile. You teach me to appreciate life. 

I love that, like me, you can't stand to have shoes or socks on your feet. :)

And that you hide from the cold. And the heat. :) :) 

I love you. I hope you know that. I'm pretty sure you know that. And I'm pretty sure you love me too. Always leaning in for 'just one more kiss' before bed.

I think we both know we have some uncertainties ahead, but a few things that most definitely are not- I am your mother, you are my boy, and you are SO loved.

Said once so very eloquently as I could never do by a favorite of mine, Kelle Hampton

"Am I scared? Yup, sometimes. 

Am I hopeful? Definitely. 

Am I aware of the reality of what we are facing? Absolutely. But mostly?

I am happy. And I am in love."

And that is all that matters.